


Wacky Fashion Bloggers Adventures

by SteelSpectre



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon), Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race
Genre: he also says fuck alot, shitpost, tom gets lemons thrown at him, tom has an anime sword thing, tom wants to fuck bread
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2019-10-19 16:36:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17604971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteelSpectre/pseuds/SteelSpectre
Summary: Tom and Jen go on wacky and shitty adventures like grocery shopping, taking a casual stroll through a haunted house, and other shit. Lemons are thrown and bread is bought.





	1. Grocery Shopping Shenanigans

Tom is walking to the fucking grocery store with Jen to buy some food so they don't starve to death. He had like 15 dollars and he had to make it last atleast a week. "Ok so I think we should get some eggs, juice, peanut butter, and bread..." Jen said to Tom who was already grabbing eggs because they always fucking get eggs WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THIS JEN?? "Why do you even like eggs?" Tom asked her. "Why do YOU like ASKING QUESTIONS?" Jen said while grabbing the juice. Then some guy in the store threw a lemon at Tom. He was a large man but Thomas was ready to fucking fight this cunt "HEY BITCH WHAT THE FUCK" Tom yelled at the thick man. "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU CAN'T JUST THROW A DAMN LEMON AT SOMEONE ALSO YOUR OUTFIT SUCKS DICK" 

now tom is sad :( he picks up the lemon and SWALLOWS IT WHOLE!! "tom what the actual hell WE NEVER PAID FOR THAT DAMN LEMON YOU MADMAN" jen yelled at him "OK FUCK LET'S GET THIS BREAD AND GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THIS GETS WORSE" tom replied. Thomas and Jennifer walked to the bread and grabbed the bread. Tom loved bread but Jen usually just ate leftover crust. But OH NO suddenly the thick man appeared again with MANY LEMONS "holy fucking shit it's large man" tom said. large man said to thomas "hey tom.." "what do you want mr. large boy man" "I FUCKED YOUR MOM" "NOOOOOOO" thomas screamed  
tom grabbed his fortnite pickaxe but it was too heavy for his fucking stick arms rip  
so he just grabbed a lemon and shoved it down the big man's throat so now he's dead and jen is just t posing in the background

they thought they were safe but HOLY SHIT SANS UNDERTALE APPEARED "gamers do you require more money for bread" "YES" SAID TOM "we NEED MORE BREAD GOD I FUCKING LOVE BREA-" sans threw 200 dollars at tom and left "wow that was easy" said jen

then tom bought some more bread, 2 gallons of chocolate milk, and bananas "tom why are you getting chocolate milk" jen asked him "I NEED MY CHOCOLATE MILK SO I CAN BE HAPPY FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE FUCK YOU" 

then they left the grocery store and nobody caught them killing big man because he didnt actually die he just faked it but now hes a mad large man and is ready to play a game of Fortnite with thomas to kick his ass


	2. the house is haunted oh god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK SO BASICALLY TOM AND JEN GO INTO A HAUNTED HOUSE AND THE BREAD TRANSFORMS INTO A HUMAN BEING FOR A FEW HOURS AND TOM IS DEPRESSED

It's been 2 days since Tom and Jen went through that shit at the grocery store, and Tom still hasn't eaten any of his fucking bread. What a stupid man. Jen questioned him about it and he replied "SHUT THE FUCK UP JEN I LOVE THIS BREAD I CAN'T JUST EAT IT!!" "Tom... that's what the bread's for you fucking moron." "BUT JEN IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!" "TOM I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU FUCK THE BREAD I'M KICKING YOU OUT!" "bold of you to assume i haven't already fucked the brea-" "get out, tom." "IT WAS A JOKE DUMBASS"

They decided to get out of that shithole because it sucked. They wanted adventure. Tom took the bread with him, of course. They had both been told about a spooky house nearby that they wanted to check out, so Tom started to walk in that direction, bread in hand, and Jen followed. They arrived at the house, and they saw the corpse of a dead Canadian man resembling Gollum in the front yard. "Okay, this is epic." Jen said as she walked in while dragging Tom with her.

Tom was shaking because he regretted this decision. He didn't want to put Bread-kun in danger, or himself for that matter, but it was too late... they were already inside. "JEN THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA WE SHOULD GO BACK" he said as he reached for the door, but suddenly... the door locked. "...shit" "WAY TO GO GENIUS NOW WE CAN'T GET OUT!!" Jen yelled at him. 

They were both terrified of what was going to happen. Tom heard a voice in the distance. It said "I'm gonna say the N word... eh..." very quietly. "No," Tom said, frightened. "not the N word..." "What?" Jen asked. "Are you hearing voices again, Tom?" "Jen it's the FUCKING CANADIAN GUY IN THE FRONT YARD HIS GHOST IS GONNA SAY THE N WORD" Tom hugged his bread loaf tightly hoping he could protect it. "Bread-kun... everything will be alright. I'm here." 

Suddenly the spirit summoned a magic ghosty man and he stared at Tom's bread. The magic ghosty man god his peepee wand out and shot some weird magic shit at the bread. Tom SCREAMED LIKE A 12 YEAR OLD GIRL AND DROPPED THE BREAD ON THE FLOOR AS IT TRANSFORMED INTO A HUMAN BEING WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?? "B-Bread-kun??" The human bread creature opened its eyes and looked at Tom. "Hello, Thomas. It's me... Breadward." "WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS SOME ANIME SHIT RIGHT HERE BOYS" Breadward was confused. "What's wrong, Tom? It's not like this form is going to last more than 5 hours..." Tom walked over to Jen and whispered to her "Jen is it ok to fuck the bread now?" "NO!! IT IS NOT OK!!" "damn.." 

Tom threw his communist manifesto at the magic spirit and told it to fuck off. "You're worse than the lemon guy!" The other angry spirit appeared in front of Tom, Jen, and Breadward. The spirit was revealed to be Ezekiel, who was killed like 30 times or something. "WHO THE FUCK DRESSED YOU, HOBO GHOST?" Tom yelled at him. Ezekiel got super fucking angry at Tom and threw strawberry milk at him. "NO!! NOT STRAWBERRY MILK! MY WORST ENEMY!" 

Jen threw a magic knife that the magic spirit left behind at Ezekiel, killing him instantly even though he is already dead. "woah good job Jennifer" Breadward said. Now they just had to find the key so they could head home. "DAMN WHERE IS THIS KEY" TOM YELLED BECAUSE HE WAS DESPERATE TO GET OUT AND GO HOME. "it's right here" Jen said pointing at the key on the wall in front of Tom's face. "oh"

Tom retrieved his communist manifesto and he followed Jen and Breadward out the door. They were finally free, but Tom was sad because he CANNOT FUCK THE BREAD WHAT A SAD MOMENT TYPE F IN THE COMMENTS TO PAY RESPECTS TO TOM'S BREAD FANTASIES. They went home, and after a few hours, the bread became a loaf again. Tom cried himself to sleep that night.


	3. zoo gang rise up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so basically tom and jen go to the zoo and its actually really boring and im running out of ideas

Tom wOke up and he uhhhh  
wasn't crying surprisingly even though his bread was unfuckable. (this is so sad alexa play despacito) He got the shitty idea to go to the zoo with his best friend, Jen. This time he didn't want to bring the bread... because animals like bread. 'hEY JENNIFER LET'S GO TO THE ZOO" "Quit yelling at me, fool >:(" "hey how the fuck did you say the angry emoticon out loud" 

They drove to the zoo and Tom sang despacito while driving poorly because gay people cant drive. They hopped out of their white and blue car (with one of the headlights being blue) and did zoo things. They went to the lions :) but a lion bit Tom's elbow "OW FUCK THE LION BIT MY WENIS" Tom yelled.  
His damn arm was bleeding fucking hell...  
Jen put a Dora the Explorer band-aid on it. "There :)" "JEN THAT DOES NOT HELP but ok let's continue our adventures so the story doesn't derail and turn into a hospital adventure." "Yeah. That can wait."

They went over to the apes and shit.. Tom threw a lemon at one of them and that set off the alarms in the surrounding peoples heads and one of them came up to Tom and kicked him in the testicles. "OUCH MY BALLS" he yelled. "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HOLY SHIT" then the person yelled "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR THROWING A LEMON IN A NO LEMON ZOnE, ASSHOLE!"

Jen had to carry Tom around (which was easy because he is a literal stick) because he was in so much pain because of his bitten arm and kicked testicles. Suddenly some weird cultist dudes appeared and were doing some weird ritual. They thought nothing of it and returned home. eNd of chPter 3.


	4. Tom fights Satan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some cultist dudes summon Satan outside of Tom and Jen's apartment for no reason and Tom decides to deal with it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit i'm running out of ideas

It's 5 am. Tom is asleep, (because he needs his beauty rest) but suddenly he hears LOUD ASS SUMMONING CHANT NOISES and he wakes the fuck up because he's terrified. He walks outside to see the cult from chapter 3 summoning FUCKING SATAN holy shit what the fuck

"What in the FUCKING SHIT HECK is going on out here?!" Thomas yellS at the cult dudes.  
"we're summoning papa satan because he owes us weed money"  
"DON'T DO IT OUTSIDE OF MY APARTMENT YOU FUCKING SHITHEADS"   
Then Satan appeared and slashed the heads off of the cultists right in front of Tom, killing them instantly. "Oh shit." 

Tom grabbed his large anime sword and pointed it towards the red beast wearing khakis. "Square up, thot!" He shouted at Satan.

Satan charged towards Tom at MAXIMUM FUCKING SPEED!!! oh shit oh fuck oh god is Tom gonna be oka y?? $??#,#* 

Tom dodged him somehow and cut his fucking hand off leaving blood everywhere..  
"OW FUCK MY FUCKING HAND OH SHIT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO JACK OFF NOW" Satan yelled

Satan punched Tom in the dick.  
"ouch oof oh shit" he said as he was punched in the dick. He then ran towards Satan and stabbed his left nut, and then his right nut, and finally, he pierced his heart with the blade, killing him.

"Oh shit bye sisters" Satan said as he bled to death.

Tom celebrated his victory and went back to his shitty apartment. He found Jen sleeping, despite all of the noise and shit. Tom decided to also go back to sleep, but he was forgetting something... something important.


End file.
